it’s easy to love someone when he lets you sleep in, rising with all four boys. when he makes you scrambled eggs with bacon, and coffee.

it’s not so easy when he makes you cry. when he tells you he’s worried, he doesn’t think you can handle this being super-mom and you turn away. because you love him, and he loves God, but what he’s saying contradicts what you’ve heard from God.

so when do you listen to your husband, and when does he make a mistake?

it’s been hard. all four boys sick at the same time and me, rising every hour of the night. the two new boys picking on our own. our two-year-old starting to hit.

so i decide we’re done. we’ll find someone else to raise these boys.

and i leave rambling messages on the machine of a couple who’s been trying for children, for years.

and then the people begin to arrive. in vans from church, bringing meal after meal, and gifts for the boys–toy cars and balls and books and diapers, so many diapers. one friend sends a card saying, “don’t let the father of lies tell you you can’t do it.”

and a card from the home-ec class, along with food they’ve made. “to mr. and mrs. wierenga,” the card reads. “you guys are real good role models for everyone in this school for taking in those two extra kids. for all the extra time that you have sacrificed to your kids and the other ones, we have made you a quick little meal that you can eat when you don’t have enough time to make a nice meal for everyone in your family. we love you.”

and all of it, in the same day. the day we’d decided to quit.

and the phone never rings.

he tells you he’s sorry. he says this is God–this whole thing is God–and he was wrong. and you cry and pummel his chest with fists and ask, “why did you do that? why did you make me doubt myself?” and all you can do is choose, again, to believe in each other.

because you’re all each other has.

that’s all anyone ever needs. including these boys. someone to believe in them.

i reckon even God needs that, too.

“i am certain that God will bless me, but i don’t need to know how. when we think we know exactly how the one who made us is going to take care of us, we’re apt to ignore the angel messengers sent us along the way.” (madeleine l’engle)

this beautiful sketch was sent to me by the lovely janae… thank you, dear friend. love you.