Before I got married I thought I could do life on my own. Well, with God, of course, because that’s what good Christians do, but mostly, on my own.
I dated guys because they were fun but my mum always said I’d have a hard time getting married because I couldn’t submit. And, for the first three years of my marriage to Trenton, she was right. It was hard. So hard that I relapsed back into anorexia because I couldn’t get over the fact that my name wasn’t mine anymore and my bedroom wasn’t mine anymore and my body, wasn’t mine anymore
But the thing that I had missed, in all of this pining for myself, was that I was never my own to begin with. And everything good in my life, including my husband, has been in spite of me, not because of me.
I am not my own. My body has never been my own. My possessions are not my own. God owns it all, and everything I have is a gift—including this love that I share, till death do us part.
So I am learning to submit. To a love so much bigger than me. And it’s so much better than anything I have ever known…
excited to be over at allison vesterfelt’s lovely place today… won’t you join me there, for the rest of this post?
(ps. these photos were taken long ago by a friend of mine, before we had kids and got bags under our eyes :))
911. a weekend with just our boys (auntie karen took the other two)
912. long talks with God (i told trent, it’s like i have a portal to heaven right now… he just keeps sharing with me, and i think it’s because i’m weak and needing him desperately)
913. “the memory keeper’s daughter”–a wonderful read.
914. feeling commissioned by matthew 9
915. heading to florida this week for the national eating disorders conference and meeting up with a few friends including tamara from tamara out loud
916. sitting with trent on our front steps in the sunshine while we watch our boys play with each other
917. bringing in the rest of the garden and having opa rotatill the earth (all four boys rolling in the soft, new dirt)
918. having our flooded-out basement finally restored this week (trent has done the painting of the walls, and the flooring is coming on tuesday)
919. the birth and girth of this wonderful, painful, extraordinary life.
(how has your week been, friends? how can i be praying for you?)